Men Aren't Doing Well

Men struggle in ways that often go unnoticed—until the consequences become impossible to ignore. We exist beneath a highly curated and thinly veiled layer to which we expose the world. We have been conditioned to internalize stress, to bear our burdens in silence, and to convince ourselves and the world that we are fine. That everything is under control. That we can handle it. But too often, we are not fine. And this quiet suffering is taking its toll. The downstream implications are hard to notice -until they're not.

The consequences are becoming increasingly evident. I (Howard) have far too many friends, colleagues, and patients where the emotional suffering has clearly overcome their capacity to hide it. This is such a challenging topic for us to contend with or confront. But we need to.

The suicide rate among middle-aged men in the United States has experienced a concerning increase over recent decades. Between 1999 and 2010, the suicide rate among Americans aged 35 to 64 rose by nearly 30%. Notably, men in their fifties saw rates escalate by almost 50%.

More recent data indicates that suicide rates have reached historically high levels. In 2022, the U.S. recorded nearly 49,500 suicide deaths, maintaining the elevated numbers observed in previous years. Men, particularly those aged 75 and older, exhibit the highest suicide rates.

What's going on here?

The Burden of Emotional Suppression

Many men have been conditioned to suppress their emotions, believing vulnerability equates to weakness. I don't remember being told to observe these norms... yet they seem to have crept into me during my formative years nonetheless.

Cultural norms, societal expectations, and traditional masculinity narratives reinforce the idea that men should be stoic, self-reliant, and unemotional. This emotional bottling often leads to severe mental and physical health consequences, including increased stress, anxiety, depression, and even higher risks of cardiovascular disease.

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that men who adhered more strongly to traditional masculinity norms were less likely to seek psychological help, leading to an increased risk of untreated mental health issues. Perhaps this is one of the reasons there has been a dramatic rise in deaths of despair among middle-aged men over the last decade.

Emotional Inflammation: A Silent Epidemic

One emerging concept in psychology and health science is "emotional inflammation." Just as chronic physical inflammation can damage tissues and organs, persistent emotional stress and unprocessed emotions can create a state of prolonged distress in the brain and body. Emotional inflammation results from ongoing stress and suppressed emotions, which can manifest as chronic anxiety, mood disorders, and even physical ailments like hypertension and autoimmune disorders.

This phenomenon is rooted in the body's stress response system. When emotions are suppressed, the body's fight-or-flight mechanism is continuously activated, leading to elevated cortisol levels, systemic inflammation, and a weakened immune system. Over time, this can contribute to chronic conditions such as heart disease, obesity, and digestive issues. A study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology found that individuals with high levels of emotional suppression exhibited greater markers of systemic inflammation, including elevated C-reactive protein (CRP) levels.

The Toll on Productivity and Relationships

Studies have shown that emotional suppression affects personal well-being and significantly impacts productivity and relationships. Emotionally inflamed individuals are more prone to burnout, cognitive fatigue, and reduced decision-making abilities. This translates to decreased performance, lack of creativity, and poor problem-solving skills at work. Employees who suppress emotions are more likely to disengage, struggle with motivation, and experience high levels of workplace stress.

In relationships, suppressed emotions can create distance, misunderstandings, and increased conflict. Partners of emotionally suppressed individuals often report feeling emotionally neglected or disconnected, leading to dissatisfaction and strained relationships. Emotional suppression has been linked to lower relationship satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness. Emotional inflammation affects not only romantic relationships but also friendships, parent-child interactions, and professional relationships.